By Bunmi Sofola

THE word ‘soulmates’ seldom cropped into conversation some 15 years ago. If it did, it was in romantic novels or deeply emotional romantic films. Today the term is freely used by a lot of ‘modern’ loves. “Single women worry there is something wrong with them because they can’t find their soulmate,” observes a relationship expert, “and married women question whether one nasty argument means her husband isn’t her soul-mate after all. But what does the term really mean and why does my heart sink every time I hear it?” she wonders.

According to the myth, soul mates not only have a deep connection, but love and accept everything about each other.

Being soul-mates with someone implies you have similar tastes and interests, and love doing everything together. In fact, the connection is so profound that all differences simply fall away.

So there’s no need for arguments because each partner ‘gets’ the other. How wrong can you get?!

Two years ago, Richard, in his forties, met his mistress at a conference. According to him: “We were on the same wave length, she understands me and my work. Meanwhile, my wife would hardly notice me when I came home or would ask: ‘How did it go?’; but not listen to my answer. In contrast, I could talk to my lover about anything for hours and she’d care passionately about the details. I can’t put it any other way – we were soul-mates and our love could not be denied.”

Their romance was all-consuming that in the end Richard and his mistress left their partners, they thought they were setting off on a new life together – a life full of wonderful discoveries.

Only, a few months later, Richard, now a shamed man, returned to his wife, “My lover was not like I’d imagined but, more importantly, I discovered that I only knew part of her – what she was like away from responsibilities and children.”

Richard was lucky to have a wife who realised it would be foolish to shut her doors to reconciliation because of her husband’s stupidity – her marriage meant a lot to her, so she took him back; but she’s been left devastated and bewildered by her husband’s infidelity.

Yvonne, 39, and her husband, Godwin who is four years older, have two children, a successful business they run together and, in many ways, have much to be thankful for. Yet they’ve confessed to feeling dissatisfied with each other. They never seem to argue, in keeping with the soul-mates ethos. Explains Godwin: ‘We’ve agreed on most things because we have the same values.” Yet experts agree it is not possible for two people to live in complete harmony without one or both of them rationalising away their differences (‘it doesn’t really matter), detaching (‘we’ll agree to differ), or avoiding conflict (‘anything for a quiet life). Although this works in the short term, eventually all feelings are switched off – not just the negative ones.

“In effect, arguing too little is as dangerous as arguing too much”.




https://www.vanguardngr.com/2025/03/is-the-havoc-caused-by-the-myth-of-soul-mates-affecting-your-marriage/